Each day seems to go on and on and yet I get nothing accomplished. There is so much that needs to be done and I just can't seem to make myself do it. Last week I was sick, and in a way I was happy to be sick because I was able to stay in bed for two days without any guilt about not getting stuff done, not playing with the children. Today was such a gorgeous day, I should have gone to the park with the kids. I should do so many things, and I just never get around to them. Of course by the time I feel guilty about it, well then it is 9:30 at night and the kids are all in bed.
Next weekend we are going to my cousin Tommy's house, so at least then we will make some memories for the kids. I think I need to make a memory goal. One a day or something. If I don't help create happy memories, then they will only remember me as the boring mom who loved the internet more than she loved her children. Is that the mom I want to be? I don't think so, and yet I spend many hours doing just that.
So, I guess here is to a better tomorrow. Time to stop living my life in the cyber world and get out and live it for my children. Create a future of happiness for them.
The question is, can I do it?
I have had this very same feeling. So I made goals for myself. No matter what I am doing I put my computer down at certain times of the day for my kids. 5:30 am each morning is mine and Alex's snuggle time, we snuggle till 7 then he gets ready for school or goes and plays. Now sometimes in between Lillian wakes up, we grab a bottle and chuck her in bed with us and all three of us snuggle together. I adore that time, they are both so happy and giggly. and I make it a point to do homework with Alex each day one on one. No matter what else goes on we always have those moments each day, and I think it has made a difference in my depression level. Hopefully you find a good way that works for you guys. And hang in there, grieving isn't easy, and I think we always feel like we are doing worse than we are.
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