Saturday, July 11, 2009

Better in the light of day

It is better today.  My mind is more clear and I can breath through my nose again.  David was still awake when I ventured upstairs, or swollen ad stuffed-up from crying.  I blurted it all out, and it feels better to have talked about it with him.  Irrational fear that he wouldn't love me anymore, yeah grief does stupid things to you.

I am still a little down today, but MUCH better.

I guess I will be busy the next few weeks, maybe busy enough to help me not think to much about my precious baby.  

David said an interesting thing last night.  He said maybe Colm was close to me last night, and when he left I felt his loss.  I don't know if stuff happens like that, but I guess it makes sense in a way.
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4 comments:

  1. NatalieJuly 12, 2009 at 11:24 AM

    I'm awfully glad to hear you're doing a little better. ((HUGS))

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  2. Nutmeg1976July 13, 2009 at 5:30 PM

    Thanks Natalie, some days are jsut like that. I will be fine all day and then BAM, something makes me so sad. I never know what will trigger it either.

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  3. AnonymousJuly 14, 2009 at 7:26 PM

    hi,

    i'm so sorry you lost your beautiful baby, Colm. i know how incredibly, devastatingly painful it is. i lost my baby, Matthew, on may 29. he was my first c-section and i just joined the ICAN list to start research for a possible future vbac, and just happened to see your post with your blog link.

    sounds like we both had hard days yesterday. july 13 was your 2 month anniversary and july 13 was my due date. *sigh* this road is so painful and tortuous. i will be thinking about you.

    eta: i too have had this completely irrational fear that my dh will stop loving me. i guess it's the grief which makes me so clingy to him and no matter much he *does* love me, nothing will fix this pain.

    christie

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  4. Nutmeg1976July 15, 2009 at 12:07 AM

    Christie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult thing. I never even know what to say to other women, and I feel like I should. We have been there and yet it is still hard to find the right words.

    And I don't get it about the hubbies either. I *know in my head that he loves me, and he wouldn't stop, but yet that fear is there.

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