Sunday, May 23, 2010

"I have been having some anxiety this time. I never did with the others, so I don't know why I do this time. I jsut feel different, so that worries me, but maybe I feel different because it is a good thing? This is my first pregnancy that is being managed by midwives instead of an OB, so maybe my mind is thinking things will go better, but you know how we are as humans, different is bad.

I am not really feeling consistent movement, and since this is my 4th, in theory I should feel it more. I don't know how my placenta is attached, so maybe it is anterior and that is why I feel less movement. And some babies just aren't as active inutero. I don't know. I keep having weird dreams that don't help thematter, like the baby has no legs, or the bottom falls apart the way GI Joe dalls do, yeah not realistic AT all. Maybe I need not visit with my Dad's frined who really doesn't have legs until after baby is born.

ON the other hand I have good dreams. Like I go into labor, it is gentle and takes a while to realize that it is the 'real dea' and I end up delivering at home without any complications."

Read more:

I posted this on my Due Date Club when I was still pregnant with Colm. I posted it April 3, 2009. I guess my feeling was right :(

This is something I posted on December 27th "I am not too worried. But for some reason I just have had an off feeling about this pregnancy. Part of that may be because it is so early still."


  1. Meg, I had a number of dreams with various scenarios, ranging from a few hours, to a week or so post-birth, in which I didn't remember my child's birth, gender or if they were in fact well. I was no longer pregnant, and everyone else knew about my child's arrival except for me, and despite my frustrated attempts to find out the details, I was thwarted by people wanting to talk or celebrate with me, and then when I was finally going to see my baby I would wake up or more often, be unable to remember anything on waking.

    As it turned out, the same happened when Zeke was born, I needed to have a general aneasthetic, and woke up in recovery, no longer pregnant and unaware of the outcome. In trying to find out about my child, I was then delayed by pain, a rude nurse who checked my stats,(although she did give me a photo of him) and then being outright left alone, before my doula & MW came down to fill me in properly.

    I guess somehow, the saying "mother knows best" is true and our mind tries to prepare us for how things will pan out. Although, the lack of dream details were simply because I did not know what would happen and my mind was leaving a deliberate blank, the real-life lack of information I had about Zeke was less frustrating, as I immediately remembered those dreams, and knew I would (as in the dreams) find out in good time.

    Not sure if that helps you, but thought I would share all the same. Hope there's something you can gain from it. *hugs*

  2. It is amazing what our intuition will tell us, huh? There was a time or two when I was in sooo much pain, my back hurt so bad, that I said to myself, "I don't want to be pregnant." I felt bad and would chastise myself, thinking what if he dies, then you will feel guilty for ever that you wished him to die. But, I didn't want him to die, I just wanted to not have the pain. I wanted the baby without the pregnancy, if that makes sense. I never had thoughts like that with the others. And even when I would think about it, it was more of a 'when he dies' thought than a 'what if' thought.

    I think I was prepared all along for him to not make it. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it made it more understandable.

    I posted those quotes, because I wanted to remember what I said. How I felt at those moments. That I 'knew' something all along. I don't know if that is so I can feel better if/when we get pregnant again or what. But, I wanted them somewhere 'safe' so I could read them again in the future.