So last week was 12 hour shifts. I am very happy that is over, and that I survived. I had good news last week, I will be taking my fitness test in November instead of July. That gives me plenty of time to get myself back in shape. I feel lot better knowing I won't have to hurt myself to get back in shape. It was bad enough losing Colm, but when I heard July 7th was my test date I almost fell on the floor.
Now, the decision to stay or get out. Urgh. I only need about 10 more years and then I can retire. The benefits are good. The rational mind knows retirement is important. The emotional side that is still wounded keeps thinking that September is a nice time to call it quits. Ah, what to do?
Hmmm, anything else for right now? Other than it being difficult/sad recently? I know that I will always feel sad, but will church always make me cry? Will I get past that? I don't *think I am angry at God, but for some reason I always cry at Mass. Today the priest stopped before St. Anthony before leaving the church and it got the tears flowing, again. I feel so sad for David today. I will have a year before I have to go through my first Mother's Day without Colm. It hasn't even been six weeks for Dave. He handled it like a champ though. He is my rock, I love him so much. I am thankful that this loss has not pushed us apart, on the contrary it has brought us closer together, and helped us be better parents. A silver lining? I guess, but not worth the pain and suffering.
Hooray on the Nov. fitness test. Answer to prayer. I know that my rupture (though very different from your loss) brought my husband and I much closer. Seeing life as fragile and changing in moments has deepened our love for each other. Silver lining yes, but with a big price tag. :(
ReplyDeleteHope you have a blessed week. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.