Today not so great. I feel like I am so high one minute and then in the dumps again a little while later. It was church that did me in today. I just felt so sad and lost. I started to feel like I just needed to leave, but I couldn't. Evie was being a little noisy so Dave took her to the back. Caro and Mike were in children's church and Pat was pretending to be sick. So I was all alone, crying. I wanted to leave, I needed to run, but I made myself stay. Feelings of anger and hatred are what I felt. Even when I received communion I felt like I was just so angry, then of course I felt guilty for receiving when I was angry at God. Crazy, huh? Darn Catholic guilt.
So still I cry. Dave asks if I am okay, and I say yes. He knows it is a lie, but there is nothing he can do to make me feel better, so what else can I say.