Tuesday, May 19, 2009


Things are kind of foggy.  I think I remember something and then it is gone, my mind is constantly shifting.   One minute I think about how much I miss him, then I think of something that needs to be done, like getting the note from my midwife for my maternity leave.  And then I forget the important thing.  I have always been forgetful, but this is worse.

Speaking of maternity leave.  It seems weird to call it that.  Yes, I gave birth, I labored for 12 hours, 4 of those pretty painful to where I thought about taking some IV drugs.  But, without a baby it doesn't feel like maternity leave.  It is such a sad thing.

I didn't cry as much as I thought I would today.  It was hard, and I didn't want to say goodbye, so I didn't.  And I really would just like to have him back...my baby.  I miss him and I don't really even know him.

1 comment:

  1. I lost my little love when he was 12 weeks old. (Not sure it was a he but I feel like he was...) I remember running out of tears and feeling sad like I *should* be crying more than I was. It's such a hard time. It so special knowing that you and David have an angel in heaven. Colm is looking down knowing that he has the best mom for him, the perfect mom. He wants you to take care of his brothers and sisters until you can all be together. Grieve in whatever way makes you feel "right" -- but go forth knowing God has a plan for you and he doesn't want you to look back. We are here for you and have lots of love. No one truly understands how you feel -- similar experiences bind us together but your feelings and grief and truly yours. Cherish your love and feelings for him and you'll never forget. He loves you very much too -- and you have a wonderful guardian angel. Love ya ~